Healing emotionally and attaining spiritual adulthood requires that we heal unhealthy sexual beliefs. It allows sex to take a natural, positive part of life – as something both divine and everyday. In fact, in the tantric view everything in life, even the most ordinary, is viewed as inherently divine.
It is well worth taking the time to examine your beliefs about sexuality, relationships, gender roles, what you define as good and bad. Even in people with fairly liberal backgrounds, some of these internal programs may be still holding you back, albeit subtly.
Humans are innately and naturally sexual. As a primal impulse, for procreation, as a yearning for intimacy and to experience a sense of divinity, the sexual drive is present. One cannot be at peace whilst wrestling with guilt or shame about an aspect of one’s own essence. This tends to manifest internally as avoidance/shutdown or obsessive/ addictive behaviours, or alternating between both.
An inner conflict with sexuality will also manifest outwardly. It is no coincidence that the most perpetually conflict ridden societies are repressive. They are more judgmental and controlling of their people’s private lives, and highly suspicious of differing beliefs or lifestyles.
When these belief systems (personal, familial, cultural or religious) are extreme, transgression of the rules is perceived as a betrayal of the entire tribe. The control may be subtle – guilt, shaming and manipulation, using labels such as dirty, impure, bad, unholy, not respectable. In extreme cases, the infringement must be punished and made an example of. Some of these punishments are barbaric and far worse than the original perceived wrongdoing.
Sex and religion got mixed together early in the story of humanity – and we’ve paid a heavy price for it – children are told mere sexual thoughts or masturbation can be enough to invoke the wrath of deities and result in eternal damnation or misfortune.
We have seen this through all times and cultures – from rules of acceptable courtship, sexual conduct, removal or maintenance of body hair, clothing, forced marriage, genital mutilation, homophobia, so called honor killings, blaming victims of rape, slut shaming, stoning of unmarried couples. Historically, females have fared worse, and feminine sexuality was (and is) much more policed.
If someone is truly awakening in their sexuality, they are increasing self awareness and are working through their wounds. It is an emotional and spiritual journey, and truly is a game changer. They are starting to shift beyond the illusion of ego, and of the roles the unawakened world requires people to play. Sex then becomes another aspect of a healthy, positive existence, not as an ego support mechanism in the form of conquest, competition, escape/ distraction, obsession or self validation.
This requires taking responsibility for their actions and beliefs, and a recognition of when others are projecting or attempting to manipulate. They are comfortable with their own boundaries, and respect others. They are centred and powerful, and not triggered by different belief systems. As part of this awakening process many people find they are no longer attracted to toxic relationships. They may distance themselves from an unhealthy or restrictive family dynamic or religion.
© 2013 Embracing the Divine Sensual – The Body Sacred
updated 2015. Feel free to forward or share, in entirety, with credit