Toxic partners: breaking the bonds

I wanted to follow up the previous article on toxic partners with some ways to clear and cut from these people. This is also a great way to start the new year with a clean slate – and even helps with long gone partners. It is one of the biggest favours we can do for ourselves, emotionally, spiritually and sexually.

Many times over, I have witnessed people blossom and grow as they move on from a toxic relationship. The energy previously caught up in trying to keep the relationship running morphs into an explosion of fun and creativity. A sudden acceleration or change in career, hobbies, haircuts and travel are common. People who have been stressed-out shells of themselves start to glow again.

1. The tricky part: working on yourself

In order to really move on, we need to own and heal whatever in us is grabbing onto this person. Otherwise we will simply recreate the dynamic with someone else.

For example, if someone doesn’t think they are worthy of love, they will get uncomfortable with a healthy loving connection. This can manifest as feeling bored, trapped etc and they will often subconsciously sabotage the relationship. These people are thus often attracted to those who are emotionally unavailable, already in relationships or even toxic.

The subconscious favours familiar patterns, even if they are unpleasant. So a little deep soul searching is required here.

Toxic people tend to be energy vampires and feed off attention, competition and conflict. It reduces a partnership to its lowest possible form, a tit-for-tat power play. These relationships activate our wounds, confirm pessimistic beliefs and have an emotionally addictive quality. The key word is drama. If someone has a pattern of on/ off relationships, says they find nice guys/ girls boring, call conflict passion or they are into make up sex, this is a pretty good indication this sort of dynamic is playing out.

2. The ritual of release:

Do this in front of an open fire or candle.

Write a letter to this person. Write out all your grudges, all the ways you feel you have been wronged. There will likely be anger, and possibly some tears. Be real, get everything off your chest. You may not be ready to forgive them, and that is fine, it may take several clearings. Burn the letter.

Now focus inwards, and find where in your body those emotions are. Visualise them if you can – colour, texture, sensation, memories. Use your power of visualisation to pull them out of your body, even use you hands if it feels right. They are often thick and sticky. An icky sensation, stomach gurgles or burps are quite common when people are clearing this energy. Pull those energy strings or blobs out and cast them into the flame to be transmuted. Continue until you are done. Deep cleansing breaths really help too.

Then visualise the remaining bonds between yourself and this person. It may be one thick cord, or many tiny ones. Gently visualise cutting this cord in whichever way feels right – gently nibbling with scissors, or one fell light saber swoop. See the two ends returning to yourself and the other person, and send a mental message of release and completion. Feel the end being absorbed into you, and your energy boundary sealing over.

Now write a letter to yourself. Write out any ways in which you let this person step on your boundaries, how you let this situation get out of hand.

  • Is there a pattern in common with other people in your life or previous partners?
  • If you met another person like this, what would you do differently?
  • Are there any red flags you would recognise in future?

3. Follow up with any physical action required

People are often resistant to taking these measures because they are so effective.

  • Return possessions
  • Delete messages
  • Delete or block them from your social media so your curiosity won’t get the better of you
  • Reclaim yourself and your space. Perhaps rearrange the furniture, wash the bedding so you can’t smell them on the pillow.
  • If there is something you enjoy that you haven’t gotten around to doing for awhile, this is the perfect time.

For a really toxic entangled relationship, it may take a few rounds of this clearing, and that is fine. It is common to feel some grief and regret over how much time was wasted. Don’t beat yourself up.

4. Reappearances from the ex

Cutting cords to an ex is a profound piece of energy work, and it is uncanny how often that person will pick upon the shift and contact you, so be prepared.

Be wary of people like this trying to reconcile. Toxic people don’t like to feel they have “lost” so they may put on 100% charm, just to suck you back in so they can be the one to discard you. Or they may just want some drama and a fight. If you don’t feed them with an emotional reaction, they might escalate the situation to see if they can trigger you, but if you hold steady they will look for easier prey.

Over the long term toxic exes tend to resurface periodically. If they find themselves bored or horny they go through their contact list, to see who snaps the bait. Don’t be surprised if you get a message out of the blue months  or even years later.

This can be very jolting emotionally, so it may be better just to block them from all forms of access to you.

© Embracing the Divine Sensual – The Body Sacred

This article can be shared in its entirety, with credit to the author.

Embodiment: Strength and delicacy

An embodied woman is both delicate and strong. In reclaiming our feminine energy, the challenge is to balance the two, for to be open energetically and emotionally is to also be  vulnerable.

Strong women have traditionally been beaten down, figuratively and literally. They are a threat to societies where there is an uneven power balance between the genders. Our growth is often an uncomfortable process for others. Our minds may get sucked into the hype, but our gut will always tell us when we have betrayed our own truth, or allowed others to do so. It can take a while to learn to hear the voice of intuition, as the ego mind, full of needing to please others, feel right or follow the familiar, may well put up a struggle.

You will be tested. As we reclaim, we redefine our boundaries, which dries up the supply for those who are used to taking our time, attention, sympathy or love without return. Expect them to act out and to project labels..selfish, uptight, controlling etc. So the balance here is to gently but firmly define our boundaries, to ourselves and others, without putting up walls and shutting down.

Living an empowered life is also sensual.

It may not look like others idea of what is the right path, but find the clothes, lifestyle, music and friends that inspire your growth in healthy ways.

Feed your creativity, your sexual hunger, your sensual celebration.

Celebrate yourself: your curves, your waxing and waning cycles, your female intuition, your connection to nature.

Once you make the decision to find beauty and serenity, you see little opportunities to create everywhere.

 

Image and text by embracing the Divine Sensual: The Body Sacred

© Embracing the Divine Sensual – The Body Sacred
www.facebook.com/thebodysacred http://www.embracingthedivinesensual-thebodysacred.com

Shakti calls – are you ready?

The sensual energy, creativity and emotional connection are all aspects of the Kundalini Shakti, or Shakti, the divine feminine spiritual force. Far more than a mere sexual force, it is the luscious, juicy path of inspiration, discovery, happiness, health and spiritual well-being. It’s your life mojo! It is a forgiving, generous and strong energy and drives us to grow into our potential.
Many women today are disconnected to their Shakti energy – unhappy, unfulfilled, creatively blocked.
They struggle with an energetically toxic world and internalise this as toxic thinking – the need to compete, compare, look perfect, have the perfect life and partner – all external validation to prove they are “good enough”.
The truth is we are all more than good enough.
Even as we are works-in-progress, we are more than good enough.
We just need to reconnect. We need to listen to ourselves, not the “shoulds”. Follow what calls you, question and challenge your fears.
Ah, there’s the fine print: more than good enough demands the best of you, and nothing less. It requires improvement and spiritual growth – there is no place or complacency or victimhood.
We have all seen that woman who has that magnetic something, even if she isn’t what media would tell us is gorgeous.
We have met people that have crafted amazing lives, in big and small ways.
People that have overcome horrendous tragedy or illness and left an amazing legacy. They have all had to push through their fears.
No, some people won’t like it. Those who haven’t stepped into their own power are threatened. There will be snide comments and judgments. Leave them to the mirror of their insecurities.
Be brave enough to celebrate your body, your sexuality, the physical experience. Be brave enough to feel smart, strong beautiful, in all your flaws. Be brave enough to give yourself permission to dream and grow. Find your internal compass, so you are not windswept by a world that tries to tell you you need to by x,y and z to be a success.
This is the gift of Kundalini Shakti. She calls..are you ready
© 2016 ~The Body Sacred: Embracing the Divine Sensual

Healing our relationship with sex is part of evolving consciousness

Healing emotionally and attaining spiritual adulthood requires that we heal unhealthy sexual beliefs. It allows sex to take a natural, positive part of life – as something both divine and everyday. In fact, in the tantric view everything in life, even the most ordinary, is viewed as inherently divine.

It is well worth taking the time to examine your beliefs about sexuality, relationships, gender roles, what you define as good and bad. Even in people with fairly liberal backgrounds, some of these internal programs may be still holding you back, albeit subtly.

Humans are innately and naturally sexual. As a primal impulse, for procreation, as a yearning for intimacy and to experience a sense of divinity, the sexual drive is present. One cannot be at peace whilst wrestling with guilt or shame about an aspect of one’s own essence. This tends to manifest internally as avoidance/shutdown or obsessive/ addictive behaviours, or alternating between both.

An inner conflict with sexuality will also manifest outwardly. It is no coincidence that the most perpetually conflict ridden societies are repressive. They are more judgmental and controlling of their people’s private lives, and highly suspicious of differing beliefs or lifestyles.

When these belief systems (personal, familial, cultural or religious) are extreme, transgression of the rules is perceived as a betrayal of the entire tribe. The control may be subtle – guilt, shaming and manipulation, using labels such as dirty, impure, bad, unholy, not respectable. In extreme cases, the infringement must be punished and made an example of. Some of these punishments are barbaric and far worse than the original perceived wrongdoing.

Sex and religion got mixed together early in the story of humanity – and we’ve paid a heavy price for it – children are told mere sexual thoughts or masturbation can be enough to invoke the wrath of deities and result in eternal damnation or misfortune.

We have seen this through all times and cultures – from rules of acceptable courtship, sexual conduct, removal or maintenance of body hair, clothing, forced marriage, genital mutilation, homophobia, so called honor killings, blaming victims of rape, slut shaming, stoning of unmarried couples. Historically, females have fared worse, and feminine sexuality was (and is) much more policed.

If someone is truly awakening in their sexuality, they are increasing self awareness and are working through their wounds. It is an emotional and spiritual journey, and truly is a game changer. They are starting to shift beyond the illusion of ego, and of the roles the unawakened world requires people to play. Sex then becomes another aspect of a healthy, positive existence, not as an ego support mechanism in the form of conquest, competition, escape/ distraction, obsession or self validation.

This requires taking responsibility for their actions and beliefs, and a recognition of when others are projecting or attempting to manipulate. They are comfortable with their own boundaries, and respect others. They are centred and powerful, and not triggered by different belief systems. As part of this awakening process many people find they are no longer attracted to toxic relationships. They may distance themselves from an unhealthy or restrictive family dynamic or religion.

www.facebook.com/thebodysacred www.embracingthedivinesensual-thebodysacred.com

© 2013  Embracing the Divine Sensual – The Body Sacred

updated 2015. Feel free to forward or share, in entirety, with credit

 

Time for a seachange… we are moving

Thankyou Sydney – it’s been fun. But it’s time to move on

I had to share this photo. I’ve always found the outdoors rather sexy, but storms especially. The majesty and sensual overload of nature at its best – rain smell, crashing waves, the energy shift and cool of the approaching front, surging and surrounding us. It reminds the Ego-self how small we are in the cosmos; surrendering to the power of the elements is like an orgasmic release.
IMG_20150619_101740

We had a wonderful solstice weekend staying with friends on the coast. It cemented the yearning to live closer to nature in a lifestyle that suits better.
We are in the midst of chaos, boxes and flux, letting go from Sydney, moving to a more easygoing, organic lifestyle more in resonance with ourselves and nature…unsure of the next step, releasing the past, and putting it out there physically and energetically. To end up where we feel at home and where our gifts are needed.
This is the energy of solstice – here in the southern hemisphere, we just had midwinter, so now the energy of journeying within, contemplation, emotional housekeeping and learning changes to an outward flow, manifesting..this is a time to make growth and changes happen in your life. Trust your yearnings. Spend time in nature. Make any required adjustments to the bigger picture and where your path is leading..

Workshops and classes will recommence once we have set up house again. Watch this space..
Until then, be good, or be good at it. 😉

Lunar Eclipse 4th April 2015 : Light or Darkness? Up to you…

So everyone’s talking about the Blood Moon – a complete lunar eclipse on the supermoon this Saturday, 4th of April.

A 30 second nutshell version: Eclipses are about endings and beginnings – good and bad ones! All the subconscious stirrings, and outer world issues since last month’s eclipse come to bear fruit. It’s reckoning time – hiding in distractions ain’t going to cut the mustard, kids.

It has a pressure cooker effect of bringing up the bottled up baggage we don’t really want to deal with – old hurts, grievances, sabotaging belief systems. So it can be easy to be triggered and reactive with each other – inadvertantly hitting each other where it hurts most, ending in regrettable conflict. With the intensity happening at present – things may be damaged beyond repair if we buy into the wounded ego. Take a breath before diving into defensive or victim based responses, see the big picture. If we can remain grounded and absorb the lessons it can be a healing time of breakthroughs in understanding within ourselves and between one another.

The energy of the universe will magnify and make it easier to physically manifest what your mind and emotions are preoccupied with. Make a conscious effort to aim for where you want to be, rather than obsessing about and resisting where you are. The choices you make will have big repercussions, so its best to make them from the highest space you can.

Allow yourself some time away from it all – physically or at least metaphorically – to see what is really important. On that note, I’m off for some camping and dancing under the moon – have a great easter..
© 2015 The Body Sacred – Embracing The Divine Sensual

Photo: Fergus Currie – Freeimage

Next Embracing the Divine Sensual Women’s Workshop

Join us for another exploration into the world of the Shakti – the potent feminine energy present in us all. This workshop will concentrate on techniques to connect to and energise the Kundalini Shakti energy
Women of many ancient cultures have always gathered in circles of sisterhood, to teach, support and share. It is every woman’s birthright to feel alive, sensual, attractive and happy in her body. The pure inner self of every human is innately beautiful, strong and loving. Reconnection with the sacred self, so frequently lost in modern living, is the key to confidence, sensuality and fulfilment – both in the relationship to self and with another.
Women of many cultures have always gathered in circles of sisterhood, to teach, support and share. Embracing the Divine Sensual is a safe, supportive space for women wanting to explore and expand their sensual selves. Sexual techniques will be discussed but no nudity is involved, participation in exercises is optional.
(The next and final workshop for this year will be Sunday 14th December where we will focus on methods to clear old emotional blocks and traumas in the base and sacral chakras)

Manipura – the solar plexus chakra – an overview

This chakra is concerned with matters of power, boundaries & responsibility. Responsibility for one’s words, actions and their consequences – for self and others. It is an active, dynamic, outwardly focused, yang energy chakra. Its energy yearns to do and make things happen. Its corresponding element is fire, its colour golden yellow.

Having a healthy, balanced solar plexus chakra is a key aspect of good self esteem and integrity. On the negative side this means taking it on the chin and not passing blame. 0n the positive side, this is being able to graciously accept the rewards and praise that come when one has reaped good sowings.

Ideally we live the way of the so-called peaceful warrior – respecting ourselves and others. People who are comfortable in their own identity, experience and power are not easily thrown off course when difficulties or doubts arise. They are not threatened by the thought of having to learn or receive help.

They are not defensive or threatened by others. They pick their battles if challenging situations arise: by either not engaging, or, if necessary, standing ground and refusing to be mistreated. They will not turn a blind eye to the mistreatment of others, and protect them if need be.

The attributes of the manipura are yang..typically traits that are considered masculine in many cultures. Everyone needs a healthy balanced manipura chakra, but males in particular this chakra really is important in feeling a strong self identity as a MAN – feeling strong, respected, powerful and able to protect those he cares for.

The manipura chakra comes online in toddlerhood (The tantrums of the Terrible twos!) and matures in the teens – a time of testing boundaries, and often risk taking whilst exploring adult freedoms and responsibilities. In both these life stages there is a big reassessment of our place in the world and how we can effect it.

When blocked or overactive, this energy can become frustrated, angry and even abusive – this may direct inwards or at other people. Taken to extremes – a need to dominate, always be right or play power games.  A person with an underactive manipura may lack personal boundaries, and be passive or apathetic to challenges, or carry a victim mentality.  In either case, the result may manifest as competitiveness or a need for external validation. In tantric practise releasing pent up energy or emotional blocks in the manipura chakra can release immense energy. Experienced martial artists can consciously harness and manipulate this energy.

Feel free to share or forward this article in its entirety, with credit to the author

2009 http://www.embracingthedivinesensual-thebodysacred.com

So…had a spiritual awakening. Some tools for the fast lane!

The shift in consciousness can be a huge creative and lifestyle inspiration..or an existential crisis, depending on how you handle it.

People often think of awakenings as extreme – whether traumatic or ecstatic – these are the dramatic ones we often hear about. (Many yogic/energy teachers are wary of people consciously trying to raise Kundalini for this reason.) But they can be just subtle shifts in awareness and ideology that kind of sneak up. It just may be the wake-up call of an illness or break-up. Even getting older – you realise you can’t have or do it all – so it’s time to get real and choose. The other big one is realising we are abusing our planet in an utterly non-sustainable way..and no-one is going to rescue us. As a species we need to change track..fast. It is part of the process of emotionally and spiritually growing up. These are not once off events, smaller versions of these shifts happen many times over the course of a lifetime.

Either way, your perception has shifted; of yourself, the world and your role in it.

You might have a few hours or days of bliss and glee. The burst of learning, inspiration and creativity can be really energising. You want to share your joy and newfound insights. A whole new world of possibilities…

Then things get real. Things won’t feel right, until you get the bigger picture answers. People often talk about Kundalini awakenings in terms of dramatic physical symptoms – heat, sleeplessness, hypersexuality etc. What I want to address in this article is the common mental, emotional and ideological challenges people face. Because these are the keys to integrating the shift.

In a tough-love nutshell:

a) You drank of the nectar and had a glimpse. You and the universe have agreed that there are bigger and better things

b) In order to make these shifts, your egoic identifications are being challenged. The ego resists change, however positive it may be.

c) This shift in consciousness is permanent – and it is a call to self-responsibility and action. There is no going back. Resistance is futile, will hurt, and take a lot of energy.

You can fool your mind, but the soul will not be bullshitted with excuses, justifications and distractions. The amount of denial required to maintain the facade results in agitated, ungrounded energy (anxiety, frustration) or emotional shutdown (depression, hopelessness, apathy). It is easy to project this emotional edginess, and “my life isn’t right because…” onto the people or circumstances close to us, or whatever triggered the awakening.

Worst case scenarios are people internally churning until something unrelated triggers off white-hot rage, misery or anxiety attacks. The stereotypical midlife crisis is another (sadly common) manifestation. They have ignored their inner calling to grow and evolve for so long that they feel the need to reject their entire life circumstances and regress to an 18 year old responsibility free lifestyle to feel alive/themselves again. Basically hiding behind a new set of distractions.

My best advice would be listen, learn, embrace and be patient – with yourself and others. Things may feel so off that you want to run away – literally or metaphorically. The external world will shift, BUT there is a delay. Yes, it is a time for change and decisions, but not rash ones. Be gentle with yourself – don’t feel that everything that came before is a failure or meaningless, and beat yourself up. Everything that came before is the journey brought you to this realisation. The lessons tend to recycle until you get it.

Things that used to feel fulfilling may no longer fit. A sense of yearning for a more purposeful life, to feel a part of something bigger, are common themes.The changes could be subtle or dramatic – consciously spending more time with family and friends to cultivate better relationships, more time for personal pursuits, activism, a healthier lifestyle, change of living circumstances or job. It doesn’t mean that you need to reject everyone or everything, but as you change, your dynamics with people will shift. Some people may not be as important in your life – some may leave. People can be genuinely concerned, threatened or jealous about the new you, especially if you have made sudden dramatic changes. Give things time to adjust before burning your bridges.

Higher consciousness states are a purification – the ego needs to be burned off. It requires moving into a place of higher integrity, personal responsibility and sharing your gifts.  External barometers of “success” such as money, comparison, attention, high flying jobs, the right partner have less meaning. So it’s a case of finding the new after shrugging off the old.

Time to clear out little icky things about ourselves we’d prefer not to think about. Unless you are The Buddha, you have some – so it’s cool. We’re all in on this journey. So, time for the hard questions:

  1. What aspects of life aren’t working for you – what changes do you want to make? And how/why will they bring you fulfilment?

Don’t end up with a whole new set of distractions or labels. You don’t need to fit a societal version of spiritual or masculine/feminine or successful.  Find what fits you. No “shoulds”.

  1. What are MY core values? What are my short/ middle/ long term goals?

Hopefully your values and goals are mutually agreeable!! If they have been out of alignment with each other it will explain a lot. Commonly in an awakening comes the realisation that these aren’t in sync, or that they’re not what we thought they were. Perhaps we were operating on societal messages/ belief systems on what a “good” or “successful” person does and should aspire to. The labels we identify with often determine these – a successful husband, an attractive person, a good mother..etc. They may not fit you.

Goals are important to have and strive for – when you see where you are and where you would like to be, it is easier to come up with strategies and direction. Life is evolution. That’s what goals are for – not for beating yourself up with because you’re not there yet. Beware of putting expectations on outcomes “I’ll only be happy when/if..”. If I don’t achieve “x,y and z, I am a failure”. In the western world, we cause ourselves so much stress over the should haves – a partner, travelled the world, a house etc. There is a Buddhist saying about desire being the cause of all unhappiness. It takes you out of the present.

  1. What are the excuses your ego is hiding behind?

Not talented enough ~ too old ~ I’d look like an idiot ~ I have a mortgage ~ my partner wouldn’t let me ~ I’m too busy ~  if it was meant to be, it would have happened ~ my terrible upbringing ~ the dodgy back.

There is often a reason behind them – scars and baggage are a big one here. Emotional wounds create victim- or fear-based thinking, avoidance and distraction patterns. There comes a point where you cannot progress until these are resolved and released. This may be a matter of journaling and meditation, forgiveness, or professional counselling.

Remember at the time you did the best you could. Now that you have more life experience, knowledge and awareness under your belt you can wrestle your demons into submission. Cue the sleeper hold.

  1. What are the rewards of your uncomfortable comfort zone?

You get to stay SAFE. SUPERIOR. (= SCARED …..shhh!) You get to sneer at people who are living the life you secretly want to, knowing that you are safely out of the limelight where no one can criticise. The call to higher consciousness involves taking responsibility for yourself. People can spend entire lifetimes running from that, looking for the next fix to distract them.

Admitting to and naming the internal enemies is half the battle. Once you have the conscious answers to the questions, a plan of action can then emerge. It may be short or long term, and subject to change. There are still everyday practicalities and commitments to honour.

That old saying: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I would like to addendum that: When the student is ready, the resources and answers that were always there become visible.

The ball is in your court. All the best.

What awakening experiences did you have? How did you handle it? What changes did you make?

© 2012 embracingthedivinesensual-thebodysacred.com  www.facebook.com/thebodysacred

Feel free to share this article in its entirety, with credit.

Next Women’s Workshop: Sunday 14th September Marrickville

The Body Sacred: Embracing the Divine Sensual

It is every woman’s birthright to feel alive, sensual, attractive and happy in her body. The pure inner self of every human is innately beautiful, strong and loving. Reconnection with the sacred self is the key to confidence, sensuality and fulfillment – both in the relationship to self and with another.

Women of many ancient cultures have always gathered in circles of sisterhood, to teach, support and share. This introductory workshop for women will uses meditation, movement, dance and aspects of sacred sexual practices to reawaken and inspire.

This workshop is the fruition of many years of study and practice – meditation, yoga, esoteric concepts, dance, bodywork, tantra, ritual magic, Taoist practice and martial arts. It was created to share the knowledge and gifts of this path in a down-to-earth, non-judgemental and non-coercive environment.

The next Sydney workshop will be Sunday 14th September, 2- 4:30pm at Marrickville. Cost is $40/$35 including notes.  As numbers are limited and printed notes are supplied, bookings are essential.

blackmoonbellydance@yahoo.com.au

0401 873 881